What's in it for me?

I don't think it's fair having to compete with perfectly photoshoped Playboy girls and hot hookers that for only 200 bucks you can get. What can I possibly offer? I'm no match for that and never will be...
I always thought that if I ever got cheated on I'd get up and leave. The joke's on me, since that happened and it seems like I lost my moral compass. I'd guess my mental and emotional ones too. And never, have I considered it would've been with a prostitute. Part of me thinks I chose to stay because it sounds so surreal that it not really true. Yet, I don't know if I should feel relieved that it had no feelings envolved or feel like shit because it was something carefully planned.
I used to dye my hair everytime a relationship went sour and I needed to feel refreshed. This time, I dyed because I didn't feel like myself. I felt a void, like a part of me died and now, it is like I turned on the automatic pilot.
It's been three weeks since I found out and I'm trying to get on with my life, trying to pretend it's all a bad dream, finding myself from time to time crying or wondering what's in it for me. I thought about if cheating too would make me feel better, but just the though of it made me feel filthy because nobody is worth enough me degrading myself like that.
A good thing about this was that all I kept inside and was unable to say I was finally able to verbalize. For a moment, it seemed more that I had little reason to stay. At the same time, it'a unconceivable that I invested three years in nothing. There's gotta be a reason why I stayed this long, right?
Perhaps, for some strange reason, I had to go through all this so I can get in a happy place with the love of my life. But would the love of my life do THIS to me? Then again, this ain't a fairytale where people are perfect and flawless. I never thought I'd be the cheated woman that stayed...
From time to time, I do ask myself if it's worth the while. The night I found out everything I saw somebody break down in a way I didn't think it was possible and that, also, made me stay.Maybe, it was be just being naive and wanting to have something good left, but at least if this really goes down the drain I'll know I gave it a try, for myself.

o.O

"There goes the dreams we used to say
There goes the time we spent away
There goes the love I had but you cheated on me
And thats worth that now
There goes the house we made a home
There goes you'll never leave me alone
For all the lies you told
This is what you owe"