This gotta be enough

I am completely aware that I only write here to complain about my love life, but who else will put up with this crap besides a blog which is not entitled to have an opinion? Hahaha... I can bitch as much as I want and there's nobody to say a word about it.
So here we go again; but hoping this will be the last time; at least for this one.
Last night after saying goodbye to one od my classes, the very cute student I have there remained for last to say goodbye. Well, he almost kissed me. Four times. He hit on me BIG TIME. He wanted to give me a ride, but I refused, knowing that it would lead to something else because every time he came closer to kissed me, GOD, I wanted him to turn a little more...
Later on he came to talk to me over the internet and I gave him my phone number...
While we talked, I was looking through my bf's scraps and I saw a msg a guy left him and decided to read his reply. They were talking about where to go after graduation and he happily answered that he was going to Fort. and as I read that I started thinking to myself: "What am I doing with him? This relationship has no future whatsoever, I'm constantly being reminded that he's leaving (and I'm staying) and I'm passing all these opportunities to meet new people..."
I'm pretty sure that's why I gave the guy my phone # and something just clicked at that second! I gotta face this and break up with him, and as much as it hurts when I think about it, heck, it will eventually hurt anyway...
Plus, I'll feel pretty stupid when the end of the year comes and he's all happy to be moving and I'm here. He IS NOT going to change his mind and I got my whole life ahead of me to life and although I know I'm not gonna die because of this, it is still very difficult to do it.
So as for tomorrow, I'll be single again.

Welcome to your past

I'm going back to my teenage years. I quit my job and now I'm just studying. I'm a teenager again; it's not all that fun, after all, I'm the old lady in the middle of all those children, kinda scary even.
But I'm enjoying every minute and loving it. It's fun to be back to studies but with another point of view, now I really want to dive in the books. I'll pass, I'm sure, it's just almost impossible but I can. I feel like a caterpillar in a cocoon, waiting to become a butterfly.
I gotta set my mind to only this, but sometimes it's so difficult. I try to pretent that I don't care that my bf will be soon leaving, but deep inside I care and I feel this void that hurts like hell. What am I gonna do? Nothing. He doesn't want me to go. And then I read all his comments to people telling them how excited he is about leaving and even to me, and the only thing I can think of is how stupid I'm being.
It is a good thing that he'll be travelling for 3 weeks from Saturday. I'll get a glimpse of how is life without him; again, since I have forgotten the normal life I had even without him. I'm even more inclined to break up with him, but since I'm a big fat chicken, I'll wait until he comes back, and I'd have had a sample of being single and it may be easier, or not. Either way, I don't think I can scape now.
It might be a excellent thing! I'll only focus on studies and won't deviate anymore my attention from it... and be lost. I am so pathetic! Even more when I look at all those happy couples and I wish the same. Plans for the future, the certainty of something real and someone walking by my side. That's it. In 4 weeks I'll break up with him... should I...?
I AM a teenager, all these feelings mixed up are driving me crazy, and, by the way, I should be in bed by now. What's my problem??????????????????????

"How long before I get in
Before it starts, before I begin?
How long before you decide
Before I know what it feels like?
Where to, where do I go?
If you never try, then you'll never know
How long do I have to climb
Up on the side of this mountain of mine?
Look up, I look up at night
Planets are moving at the speed of light
Climb up, up in the trees
Every chance that you get is a chance you seize
How long am I gonna stand
With my head stuck under the sand?
I’ll start before I can stop
Before I see things the right way up
All that noise, and all that sound
All those places that I have found
And birds go flying at the speed of sound
To show you how it all began
Birds came flying from the underground
If you could see it then you'd understand"

Right now, I'm driven by my future success. Nothing else matters. Now, everything is so clear! It's just a matter of time. And as for my relationship, end or not, I don't care that much, I kinda can't belive I REALLY don't care, but so far I just don't. I'm obssessed by my studies and nothing else. So, if it ends, I'll probably won't date (or even go out!!) at least until I get in college... what a change... It's all so clear! This is what God wants me to do... and so do I!!!!!!