I've been thinking about so many things... Don't know where to start...
He's back, from hell, probably... Its weird, but I'm not mad, actually, I've heard some pretty interesting stuff.
My friend might die...
October... Thats the month...
Still saving up money, not changing my mind...

"Tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet?
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
and head back to the milky way?
And tell, me did Venus blow your mind?
Was it everything you wanted to find?
And did you miss me
while you were looking for yourself out there?"

Gotta keep it for the record

From: Wolf
To: "Angry Girl"
Subject: RE: Hey babe
Date: Fri, 29 Aug 2003 17:35:59 -0700


awe. I'm sorry that it kinda hit you in the wrong spot. I was just joking around. I still love ya.
I hope you come to see me when you get into the states. I'd really like it. One day I will find my way to happiness. Be it as it may, I want you to know that I am sorry for all the grief I caused you back then and that I am still a friend and hopefully I am still a close friend. Keep in touch babe.

Love you,
Wolf

Dolphin's Cry

The way you're bathed in light
Reminds me of that night
God laid me down into your rose garden of trust
And I was swept away
With nothin' left to say
Some helpless fool
Yeah I was lost in a swoon of peace
You're all I need to find
So when the time is right
Come to me sweetly, come to me
Come to me

Love will lead us, alright
Love will lead us, she will lead us
Can you hear the dolphin's cry?
See the road rise up to meet us
It's in the air we breathe tonight
Love will lead us, she will lead us

Oh yeah, we meet again
It's like we never left
Time in between was just a dream
Did we leave this place?
This crazy fog surrounds me
You wrap your legs around me
All I can do to try and breathe
Let me breathe so that I
So we can go together!

Love will lead us, alright
Love will lead us, she will lead us
Can you hear the dolphin's cry?
See the road rise up to meet us
It's in the air we breathe tonight
Love will lead us, she will lead us

Life is like a shooting star
It don't matter who you are
If you only run for cover, it's just a waste of time
We are lost 'til we are found
This phoenix rises up from the ground
And all these wars are over

What goes around unfortunetly comes around

First comes this...

well, I don't know how to tell you this but, after six months my marriage went
down the tube. She and I have seperated and gone our spereate ways. well.. my
saying works... SHIT HAPPENS! .. all I can do is move on from here. I really do
miss us being able to tell each other everything. espically in person. Hopefully
I will get to see you again someday.

I work at First tape and label. We make tire labels for lare tire companys. I
work for the quality department and make sure that everything that goes out of
our warehouse is presentable to the companies. so I have a kinda stressful job.
But it pays my bills.

I really miss you. Look up how much it will cost for me to get you down here
for a month or so. I am being totally serious so dont fuck around. Got me? I
want to see you.. talk to you... be able to fucking hug you like I used to. I
made a lot of mistakes in the past and I make a lot of mistakes now.. but just
maybe I'm a little more mature than I used to be. It's really never been the
same without you here, but I've never really had the balls to say that to you.
I'm no longer married and I really don't have anything to lose by putting my
feelings out in the open. I've been crushed before and I'll be crushed a few
more times before I finally find my way in life. I hope you understand.

I miss you
Wolf

then this, after my reply...

hehe .. I have something to say that you'd slap me for if you were here....
BUT I'M GONNA SAY IT CAUSE YOU CAN'T SLAP ME!!!

"When are you gonna put some more footprints on my windshield???"

MUHAHAH!!!

Love ya,
Wolf


-----Original Message-----
From: "Angry Girl"
Sent: Mon, 25 Aug 2003 03:57:24 +0000
To: "wolf"
Subject: Re: Hey babe

I am really sorry to hear that about your marriage, maybe that's just a
phase and both of you only need a time apart from each other, I mean, who
knows, I wish the best for ya...
It sounds that your work is very stressfull, but it sounds like that is
much more responsability too and it looks like you can progress there more
than in some other job like restaurants and stuff like that. More important:
it pays bills... I totally understand that! LOL
As for me visiting you I don't think I can do it anytime soon (and by
that I mean in less than a year) b/c of my job, I won't be able to get out
of it. But I plan on visiting the US again, so whenever I think the
appropriate time comes I'll let you know.
Everybody made mistakes in the past and keep on making them but what
shows that we really have gotten more mature is when we don't make the same
mistakes and learn from them. People get in our lives for a reason and
things never go back to the way they used to be after them b/c thats the way
life goes. Just don't loose your faith on people, okay? Others will break
your heart too but in the end it all pays off. I guess I better go now,
don't be a stranger no more, keep in touch...

Angry Girl

...Is it?

It seems like everything is falling into place. I finally got a job and it looks like I'll finally save up money to leave. I know what I'm talking about. I never expected that I'd like it, and you know what, I love it! Now, the funny thing that happened at work... I found out that an exgirlfriend of this guy that i know is in my class. Thats not the funny part. She knows Victor, the guy I went out for a while and I dismissed b/c he JUST had a girlfriend... Whats so funny about? She said he used to talk about me all the time and how he liked me and really wanted to be with me. Now that's funny! And still he loved her girlfriend and bla, bla, bla... Whatever! What did he expected? To have both of us? Yeah right. The sad thing is that I was really into him, really liked to be with him. Oh well, that was his choice. Looking at the bright side, if I had dated him, now I could've been the one with horns...

Hahaha

I ignored you at the mall and it was sooooooooo funny.
Still hurts though.

Works for me

I finally got a job, I can't belive it... and the lady who interviewed me said that I have a great English (do I????????). I just hope I do it well, I'm kinda scared of messing up. But whatever, I have to try, don't I, this is an amazing chance to get all the stuff I want done. Thank you God!!!!!!!!! And as I can see there's more coming that I can't talk about it for now. Get back to me on that in about a month
:P


"[wake me up] Wake me up inside
[I cant wake up] Wake me up inside
[Save me] Call my name and save me from the dark
[Wake me up] Bid my blood to run
[I cant wake up] Before I come undone
[Save me] Save me from the nothing Ive become"

Unwell

All day
Staring at the ceiling
Makin' friends with shadows on my wall
All night
Hearing voices telling me
that I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
and I don't know why
Well I'm not crazy
I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy
I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Me,
talking to myself in public
And dodging glances on the train
And I know
I know they've all been talkin' bout me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think that there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinkin
Somehow I've lost my mind
I've been talkin in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're takin' me away

For Christ's sake!!

Please God, let me get this job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please God I really, really, really need this money...
Oh, and God, please, would somebody buy this house?????????

Pff

I don't know what the fuck is my problem, I know should be over you, but hell, I thought I was but I guess I was wrong. Fuck it, fuck you. Just leave me the hell alone. Don't want no emails, no fowards, no seeing on the streets.
I lost the game. I'll get over it. But for now, the only way I can handle this is not seeing, talking or even hearing about you. Go to hell, forget you! It might be a little too childish but I don't want to be your friend. At least not right now. This is not about ego, I wish it was, I'm sure I'd be over you by now. Maybe this is the way I tell myself that I let it happen and I have to deal with the consequences. Hell if I care.
I hate myself so fucking much for not letting this go and I want to forget it so bad. Fuck everybody that says I gotta let you go. I know it, don't need anybody reminding me of that. It is so much easier to say that when it happens to other people.
I don't want a boyfriend and I surely don't want your friendship right now. It still hurts to know that when I get this retarded forward letters about people and everything you write I already knew the answers. At least you know I'll be the only person you're sure is not gonna write you back. I think that what makes me even madder is b/c it still bothers me. I don't wanna be a human being. I don't wanna fall in love with the wrong person. I don't wanna have a hard time to get over them. I wanna be a seahorse in my next life.

There is so fucking much in my head and I just can't put it on paper. On the blog. Whatever.
I'm scared, but I wanna do this. I want this so bad, sometimes I think its b/c I want you.
I'm not supposed to want this, to want you. Maybe I'll throw this all up for nothing, I'll loose time, money, a piece of my heart. I'm keeping this to myself.
Fuck it. I hate when the words go lost in my head... and to make it even worse all this things are running through my head and I can't write it down.
Everybody tells me the same thing, what I belive, or that I want to belive? You say what you want, and it sounds like fantasy. R we fantasizing about us? R we imagining things in a way that is not real? Could real life be different and not the way we want it to be? I don't know, I guess I'm just afraid to loose you in the most precious way I can have you. My friend.

Where did it go?

You know that your life is pretty pathetic when you are heading outside and this conversation follows:
Mom: Where r you going?
Me: To the gym?
Mom: Saturday night????
Me: I don't have a social live, so I might as well work out!
Mom with a pitty look on her face: Oh, how sad...