The day I was possessed by a deamon

I knew this would eventually happen and I tried to prepair myself for it, but when the moment of meeting my ex came, I just didn't know what to do. I'm sure whatever possessed me knew...
As I saw him passing behind my friend trying to pull I girl I got so mad that I threw my water bottle on the floor and it spilled all over the people who were around me. I'm so sorry!
I wanted to follow him but my friend didn't let me and then when I went to the bathroom he was there, talking to the girl. Bitch. Him, not her, I didn't even know the girl... And we talked, argued, I yelled, screamed, cried and we eventually hooked up. And cried, cried, cried...
I don't know what's gonna happen, I stopped analyzing everything it didn't work the first time and I don't think it's gonna work now... I felt good for a while, but now I'm feeling bad again because I went through his profile and saw things that pissed me off and now I'm all insecure, specially because I can't talk to him now... he's probably sleeping but my mind doesn't allow me to settle for that... this is just too abnoxious and I don't know what to do, I hate being in love with him, I just wanna let this go and yet, it's so hard... The worst thing is that I keep doing all this stuff that hurts me, like checking his profile and all.. I'm so pathetic... I better do something useful and go to bed...

Reasons why I should hate you

1. You are accomodated: why bother to improve in your job, you're not gonna lose it, right?!!?
2. You are stupid. I mean, really, you don't know the meaning of many words and it's not like I'm a scholar or something like that!
3. Your way of fun is to get drunk and eat barbecue with your friends!!!
4. You had a barbecue party at a friend's house, got drunk and forgot about me, then called me at 4am...
5. You made me spend our first anniversary travelling with your friends... what was I thinking?!!!!?! You might as well have them fuck you in the ass, ANYWAY!!
6. Your idea of a nice birthday present was to give me useful things... yeah, ok, that's helpful, but a girl needs to be spoiled sometimes. What's next, a blender?!?!?!?!
7. You have a horrible taste for music, if I can call it that...
8. Lastly, you're not that good in bed... Actually, I don't think you were good at all... just to lay there is not my type of fun and you could never make me come it if was the last think you had to do on Earth!

* I oughta print this and put it on my bedroom wall...

Letter

Letter

I cannot afford to NOT get in college because of someone else, neither can I let this affect me in a way that I lose my balance and concentration so, because of this, I decided to write a letter to my ex although I will not send it, it just a matter of letting all out, expressing the way I'm feeling since I feel sufocated by all of it.

"I hate all of of this, I hate that I love you that I miss you and most of all that it seems you do not feel the same. You can tell me as many times as you want that you miss me to and that you think about me everyday, but if that was true you would've come talk to me, and don't even say that the reason you haven't done that is because I told you so, if you really cared for me you wouldn't care, and would come talk to me. It's simple as that.
At the same time I hate you because I feel you betrayed me, you decided that we wouldn't stay together and just didn't let me know. You, slowly detached yourself from me and our relationship while having me by your side because it's easier this way and that's just not fair. I guess human beings are really rotten and this whole "better her than me" story really happens. I don't know what to think; either I feel as I was in a terminal stage of a fatal disease and you were just waiting for me to die (because it's better this way) or just very stupid and you were waiting for me to realize that it was all over and break up with you.
I can only say one thing: I'm more of a man than you are. You are low, very low and does not deserve my respect. I HAD the balls to put an end to this when actually you were the one that wanted this all along.
I hate it because it's not fair, you moved on and left me behind stuck on a dead-end relationship and that I cannot focus my life on anything else but you, bitch!
It's okay, I'll find someone who deserves me and I'll forget you, but you, you will remember for a long time."

The dialogue that should've happened

Bia: You do this every time! Every time! What? Do you have some sort of radar? Bia might be happy, it's time to sweep in and shit all over it?
Big: What? No, no, I came here to tell you something. I made a mistake. You and I...
Bia: You and I ... You can't not do this to me again! You can not jerk me around!
Big: Bia, listen to me. It is different this time.
Bia: Oh, it's never different! It's SEVEN years of never being different! This is it! I am done! Don't call me ever again! Forget you know my number! In fact, forget you know my name! And you can drive up this street all you want... because I don't live here any more!

Unfortunately it didn't happen and the dialogue between Carrie and Big came a little early but it still fits perfectly. He just stays there like nothing is happening. Now he's back again and he's right: it's different. At least for me. Not that he has said any of those things, specially because he's not the type that says anything, ever, but the coming back and forth is the same. I have a feeling this may be good for me, something that only time can tell...