Good Bye

Four days before my birthday my ex-boyfriend got killed. Why? Don't know yet. I just know that there is his ex and her brother and drugs involved. Funny that I always thought this was going to happen. And with the same characters.
I'm somewhat lost and confused, and not because I still have feelings for him, but because it is all so surreal... I just want to know why. It is strange and weird, I saw the picture of the girl and she's butt ugly. And to think that the possible motive was something that I went through with him before, what broke us up. He could not hold his dick in his pants. My solution was to punch him on the face. Not only worked, but it gave me satisfaction, humiliation for him and yet, it kept me out of jail.
She's 19 years old and she's facing capital murder for double homicide. What a way to end teenage years and a relationship. If I had known I would have told her that this was not worth the headache. Probably would recomment the same thing I did. But not taking away his life. He deserved to be alive so someone could break his heart in behalf of all of us.
But she did it. And now, I look at her picture and I think how pathetic she is. And I want to hate her and I can't; I only feel sorry that she completely lost it to the point of losing her own life. Stupid. A stupid motive. A stupid action. And the consequences are endless.
I wish I could have told her; I wish I could have done something. But then again, I know nobody would have listened to me and it could have been me in that car. I can't change what happened, even if I tried to prevent, it would have still happened. I thank God for pulling me out of that situation and bringing me home. I'm save and alive. I cannot say that for both of them.
I am heart broken; but not because I'm in love with him, but because someone that I dated for over a year has been killed, brutally. Now what?
The girl goes to trial, will be judged and then what? Is his family going to get some closure? Is HE going to get closure? Am I? I will, eventually, but sometimes I cannot prevent this overwhelmed feeling of frustration. I'm so sorry that his life had to end this way, I pray to God that he finds his way in God's light and do not seek for revenge. I hope that the 5 minute talk we had back in the days about spirits recompensate now. I hope he remembers what I told him, I hope that now that he sees that he's eternal he belives it and tries to move on with his life.
I know I will.