I am stupid.

That pretty much summarizes everything. I'm not quite sure what made me think that I was living a fairy tale and that I was going to live happily ever after, now come on, that doesn't happen with normal people, specially me (not that I'm normal, you know...). Deep inside, I belived that by the end of the year my boyfriend would realize how important I am to him and I'd go to wherever he's going to move to live with him and that would be the Cinderella tale... Yeah, not really.
I got sick and tired of hearing how great and all it's going to be living with the guys wherever, and although I tried to pretend that I wasn't completely out of the picture it still hurts me. Then today I finally got the guts to tell him how I felt excluded and that I also thought we weren't going to stay together because I once told him (that I was told we weren't meant to be together and all...). The truth is I was just told I wasn't going to end my life by his side... meaning we could actually stay together for many years before we really split; but with the mess I made, I was sure that we weren't staying together because I told him that, not because it was meant to be this way... Hence, I felt that his inner self was saying 'I love you, but because we'll soon be splitting I won't get too attached'.
This morning I lovely heard 'I'm sorry, I don't like to hurt you, I hate to do that'. Well, hello! Did I miss something or did he just said 'Yeah, that's true, be prepaired because at the end of the year I'm sooo going to dump you'? 'What do you want me to do??' What the fuck do you think?????? Say we're not going to break up and I'll be moving in with you... How about that, huh?? 'I have never lived all by myself... and you have college...' Sure, as if living with a bunch of guys were the same as living alone... I haven't passed the freaking test yet, who said I'll be in school next year? Plus, I could take the test there too...
And I could tell him all that, but if he really wanted me to go with him he wouldn't be asking me questions so I could come up with answers, he would be bring the solutions... You know what, after hearing 'I want everything to stay the way it is (sure, it's pretty easy this way, he leaves at the end of the year and he'll be too busy addapting to the new place that he'll be over me in a blink of an eye, while I'll be left with all the memories to reminise... EXCELLENT!)' I just realized reality has come to bite me in the ass. And it hurts real bad.