Welcome to your past

I'm going back to my teenage years. I quit my job and now I'm just studying. I'm a teenager again; it's not all that fun, after all, I'm the old lady in the middle of all those children, kinda scary even.
But I'm enjoying every minute and loving it. It's fun to be back to studies but with another point of view, now I really want to dive in the books. I'll pass, I'm sure, it's just almost impossible but I can. I feel like a caterpillar in a cocoon, waiting to become a butterfly.
I gotta set my mind to only this, but sometimes it's so difficult. I try to pretent that I don't care that my bf will be soon leaving, but deep inside I care and I feel this void that hurts like hell. What am I gonna do? Nothing. He doesn't want me to go. And then I read all his comments to people telling them how excited he is about leaving and even to me, and the only thing I can think of is how stupid I'm being.
It is a good thing that he'll be travelling for 3 weeks from Saturday. I'll get a glimpse of how is life without him; again, since I have forgotten the normal life I had even without him. I'm even more inclined to break up with him, but since I'm a big fat chicken, I'll wait until he comes back, and I'd have had a sample of being single and it may be easier, or not. Either way, I don't think I can scape now.
It might be a excellent thing! I'll only focus on studies and won't deviate anymore my attention from it... and be lost. I am so pathetic! Even more when I look at all those happy couples and I wish the same. Plans for the future, the certainty of something real and someone walking by my side. That's it. In 4 weeks I'll break up with him... should I...?
I AM a teenager, all these feelings mixed up are driving me crazy, and, by the way, I should be in bed by now. What's my problem??????????????????????